Week 3.0 You Gotta Know the Rules

One of the thrills of being at a school where your church kids attend, is getting to see them almost every day. They wave and smile. I wave. I give hugs. They call me Pastor Al, and their friends give them strange looks. Their little brains are thinking, “I thought that was Mr. Lawson.” My church kids then get to explain who I am and why they call me Pastor Al instead of Mr. Lawson. I don’t interfere, I think it’s kind of cool that they get to talk about church to their friends.

One of my church kids invited me to eat lunch with him. He cleared it with the teacher and we made our plans to eat together on Wednesday. We met in the cafeteria line and he pointed to the table where his class was setting. I told him to save me a seat, and after I gathered my lunch I went to sit with him. He saved me a seat alright. Right on the crack of two benches. Right in the one spot where two tables come together and there are more table legs than the average dining room set. I looked at that spot and thought, if I ever get down there, I may never get back up. Not only was the leg area crowded, the table seemed shorter than normal. But probably just right for a fourth grader. The children saw my advance to the table and parted like the Red Sea. With the extra space, I was able to get seated next to my friend, balanced between the ends of two benches.

There was soft music playing in the background as I unpacked and organized my lunch. I began to make small talk with my friend and the other children sitting around me. But as I talked, no one would speak to me. They looked at me, but would not answer my questions or continue my efforts to engage in conversation. Am I that out of touch that I cannot even carry on a conversation with a fourth grader? I am bombing out here! I felt like a rock sinking fast in a deep lake. Finally, I turned to my friend and asked quietly, “Why is everyone so quiet?” My friend whispered, “You can’t talk when the music is playing.” OooKaaay I thought. Now I get it. And about that time the music stopped and everyone began to talk at once. The volume of the cafeteria rose quickly, and all the new friends sitting around me became instant chatter-boxes.

Conversations were flying. I’m learning new names, hearing about their pets, what they like to eat or not eat, and what their plans were for recess. Typical fourth grade talk. Then the music began again, and room went quiet. “What happened?” I blurted out in my normal loud voice. “What did we do?” I asked, assuming we had committed some great offense. “Nothing,” they whispered. “The music is controlled by Dr. B. He monitors us in his office. When we get too loud, he turns on the music.” Now Dr. B is fantastic principal and highly respected by his staff. I’ve met the man and I can’t imagine him even taking the time to monitor lunch. Typical fourth grade fantasy. But the music was on and we all got silent and ate our lunch.

When the music stopped, we talked some more and debated the theories behind the coming and going of the music. We had a pear eating contest to see who could eat the closest to the core without actually eating it. Too soon lunch ended. My visit ended. We all dumped our trash and lined up to leave. Realizing I did not have to walk in line with my new friends, I waved goodbye, broke ranks and walked back to my class. What had started out as an awkward experience, ended well, once I knew the rules.

Application: By spending time in their world, even though it was just lunch today, I learned how their lunch world worked. I learned the rules of lunch. The next time I eat with them, I’ll understand them better. It won’t be awkward and maybe my relationships will go a little deeper. I wonder how much my church teachers know the world our children live in. Now some of my teachers are currently parenting, they understand their children's world. But many of my teachers finished parenting a long time ago, and like me, need a refresher course on kid culture. For in order to share faith, in a relevant, real way, we have to know the rules, the rules of culture, family, thought and relationship that our children live in each and every day.

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